


Your Darlings Kill You

by cuphugaddict



Category: The Night Manager (TV)
Genre: Not Beta Read, Oneshot, Other, POV Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:03:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7014070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuphugaddict/pseuds/cuphugaddict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Some things, once you’ve loved them, become yours forever. And if you try to let them go, they only circle back and return to you. They become part of who you are, or they destroy you.”</p>
<p>- Kill Your Darlings (2013)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Darlings Kill You

**Author's Note:**

> As the summary already indicates, the wonderful quote taken from the film "Kill Your Darlings" inspired me to write this little piece. ... And at the end, I dared to alter the very same just slightly.
> 
> Enjoy and if you want to leave Kudos or feedback, you'd make my day.

 

 

_“Some things, once you’ve loved them, become yours forever. And if you try to let them go, they only circle back and return to you. They become part of who you are, or they destroy you.”_

 

 

 

Lance Corkoran had never, not even in his childhood days, been one to call the process of him liking something very much or being overly fond of something, whatever it was, _loving_ it. He knew that as soon as you loved something or somebody, this person or thing would be your ultimate weakness. And Corkoran was very aware of the fact that he was not in a position that allowed him the luxury to have an ultimate weakness. He never had been, really.

 

Naturally, those objects he had a particular affection for changed over time:

From general and highly common things like sweets as a five-year old, over sophisticated clothing to cover up his middle-class descent amongst his posh school-colleagues to a sharp and witty tongue to make up for his lack of bodily height. As soon as he had realized that he fancied boys in a way that his other colleagues – he pointedly never referred to them as friends – fancied girls, naturally he followed his urges but ever careful that he never got too close to anybody. The first time Corky allowed anybody into his bed in _that_ way, meaning him being on the receiving end of things which still did not happen too often, he still did not speak of love. Even though he had deeply trusted Charlie and had spent about half a year tiptoeing around the issue, he had made sure that he did not, at any point, go beyond _deeply trusting_ the other young man.

As he moved upwards on the social ladder and finally made it into Ropers inner circle, so to speak, he found things to become easier all of a sudden. He had acquaintances that lasted possibly a few weeks at best instead of keeping Charlie at bay for about a year and a half. If he appeared like a complete arse it just served the purpose of not letting anything or anybody get too close to him just right. Just like Roper wanted him to. Alcohol also helped greatly in the process. He could party, have fun, but keep everything at a certain distance.

 

The only thing that Corky might possibly have loved – or learned to love over the years – was indulgence. Indulgence in casual sex, in alcohol, in the pretty lifestyle they all were granted by Roper, in power. He loved to be independent, to move around Europe, the world even, without reporting to anyone except his boss, to chat up every pretty little thing that crossed his way, to attend parties and to leave everything behind the second he got bored. It had crept up silently but steadily over time but once the constant indulgence in various things nice had settled in, it became Lance Corkoran’s one and only love.

 

 And ironically, it was this lonely love of indulgence in his life that destroyed him.

 

The second he had laid eyes on Jonathan Pine that one time in Switzerland, he was mesmerized by the man. Tall, lean, charming, doubtlessly capable of more than managing a hotel at night and due to his profession easy to get rid of. Sadly, Roper had been busy all night and so had he – therefore there had been no time to seduce the handsome night manager. Looking back Corky thought that if he would have had the chance to do that very thing, to spend one night with Pine – or, one hour, whatever – things wouldn’t have gotten this far. But not being able to mess up this far too perfect mop of hair, not being able to lick along this jawline and not to see what was under that impeccable suit only came back with at least ten times the force of their first meeting once their paths crossed again in Spain. And not being able to indulge drove Corky nuts. Not being able to indulge in Jonathan Pine lead to compensation through indulgence in more alcohol, more casual sex and more sarcasm. And even if Corky knew that this was bad, that he had gotten attached to somebody without even being attached to that somebody, it was just too delicious to stop. He further drew lengthy gazes at Pine, pointedly picked at him and drank extensively. More indulgence.

 

But at one point, the point of the shrimp salad, it had gotten too much. The love of his life had taken the very same over and it needed to stop, once and for all. Otherwise it would kill him, Corkoran knew that. This left him with a certain choice: Giving up the drinking or giving up Pine.

 

It really had been an easy choice after all.

 

Now, inhaling the dust of the Turkish desert, despite being punched in the face for what appeared to be the millionth time, he smiled. In what he was sure were the last moments of his life, Pine was finally on top of him, wasn’t letting go of him, keeping at least one of those deliciously sinful hands attached to his body. ‘Finally’, he thought, ‘ _finally’_.

 

 

 

_“Some things, once you’ve loved them, become yours forever. And if you try to let them go, they only circle back and return to you. They become part of who you are and in the end, they destroy you.”_

 

 


End file.
